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National Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand
Interpreting Slovenian affairs for the non-Slovene speaking world
Interpreting Slovenian affairs for the non-Slovene speaking world

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Back in the day, everywhere was like Slovenia. Men were men and women weren't. Women who smoked were sluts.

88 years since Edward L Bernays "empowered" women smokers, the grisly awfulness of misused mass psychology encircles the globe like a boa.

Public relations media manipulation was bad enough when it was just trying to sell shit such as Lidl's Silvercrest SSMP 2000A1 LB3-16 Standmixer Pro food mixer.

To progress from defending the odd indefensible product to installing entire regimes to do its bidding was only a type of capitalist efficiency, from banana republics to the Brexitrumps of today.

Towed from empire to empire, ending in the present theo-oligarchic attempt to please a tough and divided crowd, present-day Slovenia never had long enough to toy with the notion of freedom in a 70s way to actually miss it now.

It's all in the art of the flip. Bernays' "torches of freedom" march was designed to flip public perceptions of the image of women smoking (even in public) from sluttiness to sophisticatedness, when it had become clear to too many people from their own behaviour that they could not possibly be responsible for that amount of sluttiness.

The flipping process was enabled by the way in which the behaviour of smoking and the opinion about sluttiness had become yoked together in public opinion.

In the ensuing rebellion for someone else's cause, non-smoking for a bad reason was exchanged for smoking for the opposite of a bad reason...which, disappointingly, turns out not to be a good reason.

flip flop

Brexitrump was a flip in which the unnatural behavioural demands of political correctness and a realistic world view were flipped in favour of a myopic view of self-interest with the promise that simple ideas will win, if we just act within national borders.

Fanatical ethnicism has always worked out really well in the past. So would any national Hungarian iodine-131 on its way to Slovenia from dirty medical reactors please turn around at Rédics thanks.

Brexitrump was an all-or-quits rampage, just like Peter the Hermit's people's crusade (1096). If you didn't sell up the farm for peanuts to go off a-burning and a-raping and a-looting across Europe to get to Jerusalem to expiate your sins, you were definitely an enemy of the people.

Nobody knew what to do with these problematical pilgrims, who visited bloodshed and mayhem from Neuss to Niš. What were Peter's qualifications? Like Farage and Trump, he knew the right guy for creepy Facebook analytics (Pope Urban II).

The hermit guy (Trump) wore simple clothes (this was before Ralph Lauren) - he rode a donkey (equivalent to a BMW today) - and had a letter personally signed by himself for chrissakes. Still think you're an individual with free will? Get over it.


so yesterday

we know where you live and which biscuits you like

why we flip - overloaded back end flipping hell
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Women never tire of the company of other women. Whereas often I get bored with the guys and their deep conversations about sport and alcohol and cars in about five seconds.

Am I gay? In my town the boys all want to drink with the boys, and the girls with the girls. Public demonstrations of affection are awkward and exceedingly rare. You will be a slut. And the boys want to keep it a secret too: you can’t let your mates down by preferring her, to drinking with them.

Here, women are more concerned about how others will portray them, than the ridiculous proposition that they could love some guy. But if encumbered with one, it doesn’t mean you’re exempt from a misandry arms race.

Despite their support through the pain, the collective wisdom of the women is little help. What if you have already “fallen”? Your running commentary about how miserable the guy you were forced to choose is making you will elevate your standing among the watchwomen, in equal measure to the intimacy trashed by your personal life’s conversion into a public drama.

Over coffee and carcinogens, it would be embarrassing not to be able to show the watchwomen that you had somehow failed. Therefore self-abasement before her listening friends, for letting some guy into her life, is key to maintaining a girl’s credibility. Until everyone has to go off because they have found something more important to do. You will be about 29.

So I should have said, young women never tire of each others’ company. As love matters develop women become very bad allies to each other.

Beneath this defensive mask they are SO frightened — and not without reason. The notion that synchronicity might be a turn-on remained unformed in some earlier agrarian hell. Then sex and the struggle for goods became even more inseparable under communism, and its daughters and granddaughters were instructed accordingly. The psychedelic 60s, like everything not-from-around-here, were never more than a superficial pastiche, omitting the anti-materialism and the catholics’ unmentionables. And so the locals never overcame a mostly-physical, unromantically pragmatic, no flirt love model.

They have heard what happened to Auntie Janja. They are timid, and they seem to think that’s a good thing.

Somehow eventually some go off and do it, like mushrooms, in the dark. They have worked out a way of keeping all the men and women apart at night in public especially if they are in any way remotely attractive and we call this scheme JISM — the Jealous Interrupting Slovenian Man. Try to talk to a single woman and within seconds a JISM will jump in to screw up the feng shui. Not to be with this woman, but just to stop the other guy.

Reputation is key, and the most important use of Slovenia’s many languages is to ensure equality, through reputation management. The ultimate societal aim — which is economic — is for everybody’s reputation to be trashed equally.

The general idea seems to be that relationships might slow down or interrupt the drinking which they have been told by their fathers and grandfathers is the main hope for their future. Sure. It is likely to consist of little else. Slovenia’s population grew last year only because of immigration.

Eventually, when nobody is looking, the go-girls give it up, dealing with the nasty necessity the way you might conduct a minor medical procedure or deal with a dangerous snake. Sex is only for reproduction: reproduction jewellery, reproduction furniture…How the girls laugh as the stupid boys battle it out to prove their pork sword is the most honourable, least bothersome, but…y’know…STILL THERE.

As her bewilderment and hopelessness grows, the greater her delight in this, until she ends up inexplicably impregnated by the biggest, wildest, drunkest, most obviously unreliable psycho available. And unhappier than ever, boo hoo. If I am to integrate in Slovenia I must become a proper schadenfreuder.

As everyone here seems to agree, the default guy is a problem guy. A single guy in a bar with women in it. What if he just won’t stop hanging around?

My advice to these very local ladies is to stop flattering your un-60s-ised egos by enjoying that stupid competition. It won’t get you what you want (unless you want Hulk Hogan) because intimacy isn’t a competitive thing at all.

Intimacy cannot be rushed, to fit into the brief periods when you are available. And, a committee-led compromise on who you should fuck is likely to work out about as well as any other committee decision on some complex issue.

Slovene is a language into which world-vibrating catholic sex scandals cannot be translated, thus generating virtually no national media coverage. Theirs is a claustrophobic, inexorably possessive, relentlessly chauvinist, alcohol-based “social life” of limited ideas — the one Melania showed her heels at the earliest opportunity.

Press commentary on Presidential hand-swatting etc. elicits little attention in Slovenia, revealing only the lack of interaction— any more would mean shame of one sort of another — regarded as normal in Slovenia. In the words of Girls Aloud, we’re living in two tribes, and ready for war. Suicide, and spousal murder-suicide, that’s the classic Balkan divorce. Slovenia is top.

Girls have got the upper hand. That’s about all they’ve got. The hand says no. Flirtation is weakness. Relaxation is danger. Surrender is not an option. They might dress real hippy an’ all. But for the mightily uptight, any looseness — which fun demands — implies a trick around the corner (pun intended).

What is my problem? It is a classic case of over-analysis. Pulling technique is a non-subject. Following your unnecessarily arduous but socially-required clamber amid the obstacles of alcoholic desensitization, fellow-girls you must be unhappy for, and JISM, “falling” in love turns out to more of a collapse. You didn’t know, in your teens, that it was just going to go on and on and on like this. Now you are about 29 and almost anything or anyone halfway decent that gets you away from this cycle will do.

You get hitched…but immediately similar orthodoxies apply. As partners you may hang around near one another in public at night. Better to arrive and leave separately, and not to look at or touch each other. Ignore your partner completely and snub them if they make the mistake of paying you any attention, or do anything that might reveal to the assembled onlookers that you are a unit of some kind. Because it’s just so EMBARRASSING! An added benefit is that singles lurking nearby can become inappropriately attentive to the ghost partners, resulting in a confusing fight that you can watch with contempt.

This beautifully correct scene is fun like pulling a big rubber band, to see how far it will stretch before it breaks, is fun. And the result is similarly painful.
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This English managementspeak version of Slovenian evergreen Slovenija Od Kod Lepote Tvoje is now available for recording or performance at the usual author rates.


Eyeballs consuming content,
We have a wow factor,
Did you discover an exciting acquisition scenario?
Can you visionise raising value-added vis-a-vis touching base?

Seizing the vertical I revisit the big picture
Brainstorming on maximizing oversight
Outreaching to a blue-ocean opportunity
Can you visionise raising value-added vis-a-vis touching base?

Slovenia, going forward,
Hack me a hammock task,
Phone it in, homing from work.

Slovenia, sunshine enema,
Seeking strap-on statistical massage.

Feedback from the cloud
Whose rubber hit the road
Who can action breakthrough engagement
More than our rock star deliverables?

Cross-boundary workstreams resonated
Road map circumnavigated
Nowhere's price-point, is my prebuttal,
Productizes like our head shed.


original lyrics here

and performed here
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axe murders

Bobo (pictured clutching inspirational people's tabloid Slovenske Novice) admits, phlegmatically, that he did it. Apparently his motivations were inadmissible, and the judge - who has not yet been eaten by worms, see - shouted at him.

Bobo, who complains of digestive problems and told police he can only eat fish and figs, engaged in his one-legged neighbour overkill 18 days after a fire at a chemical dump and recycling plant, 30km away on the other side of Ljubljana, released mercury and various other hazardous materials into the air. It was one of at least three such fires across Slovenia this year.

It turns out the wind blew in Bobo's direction for 9 out of the 18 days between the fire and the murder. During that time the temperature rose steadily to 31 degrees. Mercury flux from soil to air is positively correlated with UV intensity and soil temperature, as well as Hg concentration in soil.

Mercury kind of hangs around in the large gut. Mercury can cause rages.

All kind of circumstantial, and inconvenient if truly a causal factor, as that would make the Kemis factory partly responsible for the murder, and way beyond any Slovenian public defender that Bobo is likely to encounter.

Bobo has his own rationale in mind, to be sure. Bobo is not defending himself - as he denies being a murderer.

around Slovenia's axe crime scene
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If there was any doubt that Miha, 30, had some psychologically-defined parental issues, like having to live with them, that all went out of the window when he finally matured, and cut dad's head off with an axe.

It's only seven weeks since the last (double) decapitation in Slovenia - a brother and a grandmother.

And a couple of years ago a guy released from psychiatric detention for killing his mother went right back to the village and chopped off his father's head.

It seems they like to be sure here.

In the UK one beheading can keep the presses going full steam for months.

In Slovenia they shrug - it's not random serial killers or terrorists you need to worry about, but family tensions. You can see it's a very small country.

beheadings of march 2017

beheading of 2014
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slovenian wine

Unofficial non-existent global weather disturbances and unpopular insurance companies are threatening to ruin viticulturalists after two once-in-a-century spring frosts in a row.

Last year's 1 in 100-year chance-inspired bad minus temperatures were a freak event, according to statisticians.

And so are this year's, meaning that Slovenia's statistical century now began in 2017, and not 2001 as previously believed.

Foreigners, including Slovenian First Husband foreign King MacDonald, were believed to be responsible for the poor weather.

Ptuj, whose wine cellar welcomes tourists who like light music and has wine dating back to 1917, will celebrate the centennial by drinking beer and shouting.

frosty reception
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screech bang sizzle

Both the driver on the right side of the road and the front passenger in this car were over the alcohol limit. The driver was too busted up to take the test.

Both his teenage female passengers were trapped in the rear seats, and were incinerated as passers-by watched helplessly, in the rolling hills near Šentilj where dangerous migrants recently massed at the border with Austria.

An in-depth exploration into the Maribor area vineyard’s atmosphere takes place on May 6 at the Old Vine House.

drunk slovenia

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military pursuits

Lincolnshire has now overtaken Slovenia in canine copulation although no-one has actually been killed doing it in Bomber County yet. I am glad to see the RAF was involved and I hope the Echo will continue to mention it every day or two for the next 70 years lest we ever forget and perhaps erect a memorial to dog bonking at a cost of millions, perhaps with a flea past and a dog fight by the Red Arrooooooos.
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dirty mac brigade

Q. What's President Trump's favourite social media?
A. WeeChat

nposialpu trump archive
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dandelion bureaucracy

People's tabloid Slovenske Novice has outlined the lawful Slovenian procedure for picking dandelions (regrat).

While picking them for personal use is somehow still unregulated, Slovenia is so anal that it even has legislation mandating the size of business cards, and anyone unlucky enough to be selling dandelions they've harvested must obey the laws - or face a fine of up to 7000 euros for black market work, says the paper.

Dandelioneers will first need to apply by email to their local Administrative Unit, and to the business registration thing AJPES from whence, after obtaining first one password then another, you will be awarded a digital certificate. With this you will be allowed to obtain a kind of casual labour permit.

Then you need to go to queue at the other office (see to get your odd-job work permit stamped or it won't be valid. Everything in Slovenia supports the rubber stamp industry. Usually, the first time you go it will be closed.

Be sure to carry your validated dandelion permit wherever you might encounter dandelion inspectors. If you cannot produce it on the spot, you will get fined anyway. You need to get a new permit every month. It's going to cost you nine euros.

The good news, SN says, is that once you are an authorised dandelion picker, you can pick as many as you like.

The purpose of the article is to remind bored, cross-eyed jealous villagers of another of the myriad ways they can grass up enemies of the state who happen to be their neighbours, fellow citizens, or brown people - Slovenia's number one pastime.

Black market work is ok if you are a lawyer not paying me to fix her English report into corruption at Slovenia's largest power station - - and she could get my emails hacked to remove some of the evidence against her.

Meanwhile a woman who was turfed out of her €160,000 flat in some legal shenanigan over a €2,800 debt has threatened to set fire to herself.

She is white, but Roma and therefore technically brown.

The Pope ripped off Slovenia's banks for €1.5 billion but the government rallied round to let him off.

catholic remedies

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  • Walter Pravicek's profile photo
    odlična spomladanska solata z bučnim oljem!!
    25 Oct 2017
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road shows

State-owned bank NLB must be sold, says Mr Juncker. Possibly this summer, this time. To recover the 2.2bn euros it has lost assisting Slovenian business, NLB would have to sell for 1.8 times the book value of its shares.

The actual value of NLB is unknown. But considering BHS was only worth £1, the London Stock Exchange might seem an unwise venue for the Slovenian government to dispose of 75% minus 1 share of its holding.

Nobody seems to know who would buy an unsuccessful Slovenian bank that, by changing its name when Slovenia seceded, dragged its heels for decades after cheating its former non-Slovenian Yugoslavian customers out of their deposits. Some may remember what happened last time the bank was "definitely" going to be sold to Belgian outfit KBC.

Never mind. The roadshows have begun, and the appropriate words for these have headlined in Finance, as though "potujoče kampanje" simply could not do justice to an event as grand as John Peel at the Basildon Locarno.

Would potential buyers please note however that, as with Telekom Slovenije and the airports, the country does not really want to sell its biggest bank, that it has to sell, and certainly not for less than the book price.

Foreign purchasers should expect to pay more than it is worth. While rules about speaking Slovenia's secret language mean they will have little control over it once they've bought it.

Future executive summer holidays to London and New York at the taxpayers' expense depend on a prolonged and difficult sale, at a time when tarnished bank brands are scarcely a rare or popular commodity.

With the exception of nposialpu's very artistic - now approaching its 10th anniversary without losing or stealing anyone's dosh, or getting ripped off by the Pope, and with a zero bad loan ratio - Slovenia's banks service only a drab elite.

BHS lingered around for years and had a narrow range of boring clothes and a canteen.

previous nlbeetling around
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jealous guys

The prosecution wanted 25, but mitigating circumstances prevailed in the murder of partner Lidija Škratek.

For one thing, Romeo was very drunk. And she made him very angry! And so his capacity was diminished.

That's the whole point of getting drunk, and it would be simply unjust not to take account of his decision to uphold local traditions and express his manhood. Besides, he said, she was sleeping around - if so, somewhat pointlessly as it's well known all men are the same. And she was generally behaving like a woman!

Even these attenuating factors did not prevent Romeo regretting the deed, as evinced soon after by his post on Facebook. Whereas shortly before, Lidija had liked something of his.

He even drove to the health centre to see if she could be undeaded, in some of the most selectively diminished capacities ever.

The lesson for Slovenian burglars, rapists and killers of all types hoping for lenient treatment is clear: make sure you are plenty drunk enough to explain why you can't explain why you did it.

Confess quickly and in social media. Merely exhibiting passion in any form is itself regarded as a type of mental defect in Slovenia, and will get you a lighter sentence.

Remembering to do something grey and banal like going on Facebook, after you can't remember what you hit her with, means your sins will be partly forgiven.

It will also help local politicians channel your feelings as a voter, by promising to alter laws to favour domestic violence, as recently occurred in Russia, a country Slovenia is not near.

After a big hangover and interregnum following the collapse of the Roman Empire, organised alcoholism was reintroduced into the area by Minorite monks from around the 7th century AD, along with bad contraception advice and general religious mysogyny.

Although Slovenia is still for the most part backward enough to make accusing your priest of sex abuse likely to upset your mother and all major local employers, Romeo, who is not a priest, already got jail for having sex with a 10-year-old girl.

The judgment in his murder trial is not yet final.

crime report

nposialpu's sexy slovenia archive

history of sex in europe
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We know the emotional cycle of - how long before we start feeling sorry for Donald (it will be Donald by this point).

britain's brexit flipping hell
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